From Hollywood.com Staff
Angus T. Jones is going to honor his contract on Two and a Half Men, but that only means Jake Harper is guaranteed to finish out this season. What happens next fall?
Rumors are running rampant that WB TV isn't planning on renewing the young actor's contract after he urged viewers not to watch the series which he labeled ""filth"" in a web video he shot explaining his status as a born-again Christian. CBS would not comment on the status of Jones' contract and the WB and Jones' reps had not returned requests for comment at the time of publication, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Jones' comments could spell trouble for his character. After all, this is the series that killed off its biggest character when Charlie Sheen went off the rails. Jake's already in the army what's keeping the writers from reducing his character to a series of letters from abroad?
Of course, if that is Jake's fate, he'll be in good company. We've rustled up more than a few of TV's mysteriously (and often suddenly) missing children characters, and predicted Jake's future:
As seen on Two and a Half Men
Name: Jacob ""Jake"" David Harper
Hometown: Malibu, California
Defining features: Apathetic expression, often confused and/or eating, Army buzzcut
(Projected) Last Seen: In one of the final episodes of Season 10 of Two and a Half Men, Jake will come home for a brief visit and raid the fridge. Watch television and let every joke fly over his head. Then he'll go back to the Army and we'll never hear from him again.
(Projected) Famous Last Words: "What?"
(Projected) Possible Whereabouts: Much like his Uncle Charlie before him, Jake will go off to some unseen conclusion meant to have taken place during the summer hiatus. Knowing the show's writers, it will be something terrible, like going A.W.O.L. and traipsing around the Middle East as some sort of vagabond. All bets are on his constant status as butt of the joke continuing through poorly written letters to Alan.
Next: Donna on That '70s Show had a sibling?[PAGEBREAK]
As seen on That '70s Show
Name: Tina Rose Pinciotti
Hometown: Point Place, Wisconsin
Defining Features: Bouncy hair, significant head-wagging ability, temporary inability to tell that Fez is a creep
Last Seen: During the first season of That '70s Show, Donna throws a party as a ruse for a little makeout time with Eric. But his new burger job gets in the way and she's left keeping Fez from trying to hook up with sassy, bratty 14-year-old sister Tina. However, following 1998's ""Eric's Burger Job,"" Tina was never seen or spoken of again, leaving concerned fans to wonder: what ever happened to the youngest Pinciotti and why didn't anyone care?
Famous Last Words: "Hiiiii! (Giggle)"
Possible Whereabouts: So what happened to little Tina? One can only assume her clearly freewheeling ways led her down a dark path, angering Bob so greatly that he refused to acknowledge her as his daughter until the end of his days. Midge would have been concerned too, but she got distracted by something shiny.
Additional Clues: The actor who played Tina, Amanda Fuller, recently replaced Alexandra Krosney as Tim Allen's eldest daughter on CBS' Last Man Standing. Being a disappearing TV child doesn't necessarily spell disaster - you could end up depending on grunting TV actor!
Next: What ever happened to Family Matters' other daughter?[PAGEBREAK]
As seen on Family Matters
Full name: Judy Winslow
Hometown: Chicago, Illinois
Hair color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Defining Features: Aged 9-12, often seen wearing '90s attire like scrunchies, classic little sister sitcom archetype
Last seen: At her grandmother Estelle's wedding to Fletcher during 1993's ""Mama's Wedding.""
Possible Whereabouts: Unknown. Disappeared with no explanation nor was there any acknowledgment of her previous existence by parents, older siblings, or that pesky neighbor who stole the spotlight. Likely scenario of what happened could turn out to be pretty bleak, actually.
Next: Step by Step says there are seven kids, so why do we only see six?[PAGEBREAK]
As seen on Step By Step
Name: Brendan Lambert
Hometown: Port Washington, Wisconsin
Hair color: Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Defining Characteristics: Curly Hair, 13 years old, would answer to ""Brendan"" if anyone ever bothered to call for him
Last Seen: We said au revoir to Brendan Season 6's ""Bonjour Jean-Luc,"" an episode that boasted a plot line for everyone (including Brendan's younger, cuter replacement, baby Lilly) but the young character. But he did stand in the background. Or sat. Eh, no one was looking anyway. Who's Brendan?
Possible Wherabouts: Despite the fact that Brendan was never seen again after Step By Step moved to CBS in 1997, Carol (Suzanne Somers) and Frank (Patrick Duffy) still nefariously referenced their ""seven"" children, a number that would include Brendan. We're left to assume only one thing: Poor Brendan's chained in the basement, Desperate Housewives Season 2-style.
Additional Clues: What happened to the actor who played Brendan? Turns out Josh Byrne really did, as Step By Step's song suggests, get a fresh start over as a musketeer. Well, a pretend musketeer anyway. Byrne, who disappeared from the entertainment business as quickly as his on-screen counterpart, is said to now be heavily involved in medieval role-playing. This sword is one way to save Brendan from the basement.
Next: Who did the Brady Bunch lose track of?[PAGEBREAK]
As seen on The Brady Bunch
Name: Oliver Tyler
Hometown: Lived with his alleged aunt Carol and her family, the Bradys, in Southern California (previous whereabouts unknown)
Hair: Piercing blonde
Defining Features: An impish mug, thick glasses, and what seems like a sweet, cherubic persona (which was all just a cover for his nefarious ploy to take down the entire Brady clan)
Last Seen: In 1974's ""The Hair-Brained Scheme,"" smirking with deceptive innocence in the Brady living room, manipulating his older cousins Greg, Cindy, and Peter into obeying his every whim, hypnotizing them with his childlike demeanor, and secretly pulling the strings behind their imminent downfall.
Famous Last Words: "Gosh, it was only a suggestion " (after implementing the idea of turning a college-bound Greg's bedroom in the attic into a so-called "guest room" that he himself would occupy).
Possible Whereabouts: Hard to say. The last humans to see Oliver alive vanished themselves right around the time he did. After a mysterious (and mysteriously unacknowledged by the rest of the family) disappearance of patriarch Mike Brady right around the time of his oldest son Greg's high school graduation, Oliver set into motion a Rube-Goldbergian plan to destroy his aunt and cousins. He duped Bobby and Cindy into embarking upon dangerous, possibly felonious get-rich-quick schemes, and aimed to turn Marsha and Peter against one another under the guise of remaining a sweet-natured peacekeeper. After Oliver lay claim to the attic room, no Brady was ever seen or heard from again. Who knows? He might still be up there
Additional Clues: Oliver portrayer Robbie Rist, who has taken to voicing video games and animated characters (specifically of the 'Naruto' variety), appeared on a 2001 episode of The Weakest Link, joking, "I hope I don't kill this show, too!" And oh, the evil in his eyes the evil Please help us. We must catch this madman.
Next: This Happy Days character's last move was a layup...[PAGEBREAK]
As Seen On Happy Days
Name: Charles ""Chuck"" Cunningham
Hometown: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Defining features: Abnormally tall, over-freckled
Last Seen: In Season 2's 1974 episode ""Guess Who's Coming to Christmas,"" Chuck, who lived at home while attending college, walked out the front door to play a game of basketball with his buddies. He never returned.
Possible Whereabouts: Not only was Chuck absent from future Cunningham family misadventures, but in the final episode of the series, Howard Cunningham announces at Joanie's wedding that he is proud of his two kids. Did Howard have his eldest and lankiest son offed and erased form existence? There throes aplenty, but here is one YouTube video blogger's version of the story:
Next: Paging Bobby Martin! Has anyone seen a tiny soap star?[PAGEBREAK]
As seen on All My Children
Name: Bobby Martin
Hometown: Pine Valley, Pennsylvania
Defining Features: That haircut that every tween boy had in the '70s. Extreme forget-ability.
Last Seen: In 1970, he was one of the original members of the Martin clan, one of the founding families of Pine Valley. He quickly disappeared and was never seen from again. However, shortly before the show's cancellation, his stepmother Opal was rooting around in the attic of the Martin home and there was a skeleton wearing a nametag that says Bobby. It is not believed to be his actual corpse.
Famous Last Words: "I'm gonna go upstairs and get my skis."
Possible Whereabouts: Bobby was probably hit on his head and had amnesia. After wandering to the general hospital in nearby Port Charles, he was admitted as a John Doe. After several years trying to establish a new life there and figure out his past, he decided that he had only one life to live and wanted to be happy in Llanview. After moving there he was married numerous times, had an evil twin, a multiple personality, lived in a magical kingdom under the ground, was cut out of a will, made a fortune, lost a fortune, lost a child after being pushed down a stairs, and then died in a horrible boating accident only to return to Llanview four years after his disappearance. He went on a skiing trip with his sixth wife and was never heard from again.
Reporting and writing by Michael Arbeiter, Aly Semigran, Brian Moylan, Kate Ward, Kelsea Stahler, Jean Bentley, and Matt Patches.
[Photo Credit: Youtube (2); ABC (8); CBS (2); FOX (2)]
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