Few things in life are as detestable to me as shaving.  It’s not a time thing nor a technique issue nor a tactile/sensory aversion …it’s a simple matter of blood loss, self-preservation, if you will.  If you’ve ever seen me out and about, rockin’ a bit of the two or even three-day growth, it’s not in tribute to Justin Timberlake (though that fella is quite the entertainer).

Since my dad first taught me the technique back in 8^th grade, I have succeeded in slicing far fewer whiskers than skin cells.  I chalked up early carnage to lack of practice and the Bic Twin Select razor.  I always felt “I’d get the hang of it,” a learning curve certain to be straightened by the upgrade to a brand of razor less synonymous with writing utensils. 

But it didn’t matter. 

From Gillette Sensor Excel to Schick Tracer FX to Mach 3, and every gel and cream and oil and pre-treat and after shave option out there, I emerged from the bathroom with more TP on my face and neck than an unpopular high school kid’s maple tree.  The paper sometimes works, usually doesn’t, and fails in all ways to address the redness and burning.  The styptic pencil produces similar results, with added white residue that once washed off, often reopens the wound.    

The end result has been a transition to electric.  I’m not disappointed.  I really like the electric razor and find it significantly less hazardous to my sensitive skin.  But it can take a little longer to get all the little buggers, and sometimes it can leave a less-than-blade smooth result.  So, like a doofus, I allowed myself to be sucked in by the siren song of 5 blades, primarily because I had a coupon for a free Schick Hydro 5, but also the promise of more blades translating to less irritation.  Right.  Or just greater opportunity to carve up the old money-maker.  OK, that’s going a bit too far now.  Everybody knows that if a dude’s face is a money maker, he’s on TV.

First of all, this thing is Edward Scissorhands intimidating.  It took me a while to muster up enough courage to proceed, and once I did, I immediately regretted it.  Though fewer total cuts, I still took three decent chunks out of my neck, and produced one tiny, but impossible to close, cut on the corner of my mouth.  It just cracked open (again), prompting me to write this blog.   

I have no excuse.  I had a good system going with my Norelco electric.  But I’m just curious, does anyone out there use the Hydro 5, and have you mastered it?  Perhaps my greatest error was, in a breach of shaving etiquette, proceeding immediately to 5 blades when the Schick Quattro was the logical progression from the Mach 3.