Nick's Knacks

So our discussion on vintage beer cans this moring yielded the following figurine discovery from our man Brad.  If ever there was a time for a caption contest, this is it.  Have at it, folks:

I don’t have any overwhelming love nor irresistible hate for either of the participants in Super Bowl 46.  The lack of rooting interest doesn’t dampen my enthusiasm for the game, however.  I am really excited to sit back and enjoy what I hope will be a thriller in the absence of the gut wrenching anxiety that accompanies a vested interest in any game’s outcome. 

And, of course, I can’t wait for the commercials.

Last week, we were teased with the “Matthew’s Day Off” Ferris Bueller spoof campaign:

I’m not sure why, but Honda has leaked (is leaked the right word?) the extended version of the game-day commercial. As a huge Ferris fan, this is brilliant on so many levels. Naturally, there is the obvious parody, but keep your eyes open for the subtle references that are easily overlooked. There are a ton of ‘em:

How many can you spot?  I've got 8...and counting.

Photo: tauntingpanda via Creative Commons

Toss a dart at the NCAA hoops board and see which balloon pops.  I think that’s how I will pick my champion this year.  I might as well.  This baby is as up for grabs as any that I can recall in history – and I think I said the same thing last year.  Of course, there is much hardwood to be pounded before the tournament, and the bracket is very much about the match-ups come March, but it is certain that this year’s field will produce many moments of madness.

Missouri is the latest contender to stumble, last night at the hands of the Oklahoma State Cowboys.  The ‘Boys are generally a forgettable Big 12 team, basically a .500 player – beating the scrubs, falling to the ranked – but they possess a high flyin’ freak by the name of Markel Brown that makes them anything but unmemorable.

Brown had a monster throw down last night (that ultimately led to him being thrown out), and I was pleased to see this morning that YouTube did not let me down:

But I was even more thrilled that the YouTube community has been chronicling this dude’s acrobatic, above-the-rim antics since he was in high school. I love this guy:

One of the (many) answers from Maino's attempt to pose a question for which Google would be of no help is below.  Caption this sucker:

Well, now we know where Ed Hochuli was during the opening rounds of the post-season.  Good to see “Guns” getting himself another NFC Championship game.  The dude is flat out excellent at his job - the second best zebra going, next to Mike Carey.  Sure his explanations are long-winded.  Sure, like White Castle fries, Ed’s shirts only come in one size…men’s small.  Sure he’s not without controversy, but you’ve got to give this much to Ed: he genuinely cares about getting it right, and genuinely desires the audience to understand the rules that govern a given call on the field.  And…he usually gets it spot-on.

NFL rules are like a Rubik’s Cube: just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you realize you’ve got nothing.  But there is one rule (that Ed brilliantly explained yesterday) that is subject to no interpretation.  It’s a rule at which basketball ought to take a closer look.  When you don’t have any timeouts…and you call a timeout…nothing happens.  Finally a rule that makes sense!

If I walk up to the vending machine, insert no money, and hit a button for a Twix, what happens?  Nothing.  The machine just sits there, as if to say – “Nice try, pal.”  I don’t get arrested.  I don’t get charged more the next time I attempt to purchase something from that machine. 

How entertaining was it to watch Eli Manning attempt to call timeout at the end of the first half?  Like a hamster feverishly flicking the ball bearing of an empty water can, Manning kept going to the T, then looking up, then back to the T, “Oh no I don’t have any,” looking up, “Snap the ball,” looking up, “SNAP THE BALL!”  All the while, the officiating crew just stared back blankly at old Eli.  Pure amusement, and pure genius.

Photo: Creative Commons

He had 25 million reasons to be alive back in 2006.  I’m guessing that would come in at about 2,500 in 2012.  Hey, that’s still a lot of reasons, but the Allen Wranglers aren’t exactly the Dallas Cowboys.  What ever happened to that chick Kim Etheredge, by the way?  

That’s right, baby.  T.O. is back!  It’s official: ANNOUCEMENT HERE

I have to say, I’m kind of excited about this.  The IFL is no joke.  Now, it’s not the NFL, but that’s a good thing.  The IFL is a unique brand of football with its own idiosyncrasies.  IFL success doesn’t necessarily translate to the NFL.  And just because a dude is a stud in the NFL, doesn’t mean he can dominate the IFL.  Of course there are transferable skills.  I mean, it’s still football at the core, but I can’t wait to check out T.O. in the compact, high speed IFL game.

If nothing else, T.O. will bring some hype to a league in which we have a vested interest.  Here’s to hoping the Blizzard and the Wranglers hook up for the title in 2012!

Do they serve Sun Drop at Wranglers games?

Since the debacle at Lambeau on Sunday evening, the question has been asked countless times: “What the heck happened out there?”

The answers have not exactly been elusive – no pass rush, defensive secondary breakdowns, dropped passes, Aaron not his usual self, poor tackling, bizarre play calls – though each carries with it a need for another.  That is to say, in the end, the analysis yields the following: it wasn’t just one thing.

Or was it?

Evidently we overlooked the fact that Megan insisted that nail sparkles were pretty and that Aaron Rodgers was not the right jersey call:

Thanks for nothin’, Megan.

I know people are tired of it.  I just don’t know why.  So rarely does something so counter-conventional go so right for so long.  But instead of embracing the madness that is Tim Tebow’s improbable…scratch that…incomprehensible run through the second half of the regular season, and the unfathomable toppling of the mighty Steelers and Ben Roethlisberger – the anti-Tebow , so many have soured on TebowMania.

Unless you have a rooting interest in a Broncos opponent, I don’t know how any warm blooded sports fan can pull against what is happening with #15 under center.  It’s insane.  It doesn’t make sense.  So embrace it.  The circus doesn’t come to town very often. 

Tim Tebow is arguably the worst fundamental quarterback I have ever seen start more than one game in the NFL, or at least the worst fundamental quarterback I have seen start more than one game in the NFL not out necessity, but because he was declared the team’s best option.  But there he went, winning the majority of his starts.  Winning a playoff game for crying out loud!  It’s freakin’ awesome, in the purest sense of the word.

Yeah, yeah, yeah - he has coaches who have altered their offense.  He’s got a very good defense that keeps the team in games.  He’s got 10 other guys on offense.  Blah, blah, blah.  Quarterbacks get too much credit when the team wins…too much blame when the team loses.  It’s always been that way.  It’ll continue to be that way.  Of course, when Tebow wins, everybody finds a way to credit anyone in a Broncos uni except Tebow.  And when they lose?  Well of course they lost.  Tebow can’t even complete 50% of his throws.

He works his rear end off.  He’s as solid a role model as you will find in life – not in sports  – in life.  He takes to the podium every week like a 10 year old kid conducting a press conference in his basement, following a rousing game of playground two-hand-touch.  We’ve all done it.  To hear him speak so impishly of the game we all wish we could play for pay is refreshing.  It’s innocent.

Tim Tebow is the personification of so many lessons our parents hoped would stick as they penciled our growth on the basement wall:

• Work hard.
• Let your performance do the talking.
• Find joy in the tasks of life.
• Treat your neighbor as you’d like to be treated.
• Use your gifts to give back to those around you.
• If you can dream it, you can do it.

We pee and moan about the criminal element in sports and the lack of legitimate role models, then flock to our televisions and radios in the hopes of being party to a Tebow thrashing on Sunday afternoon.  People can’t wait for this dude to lose.  Why?  Because he doesn’t fit comfortably within the boundaries of what is deemed acceptable fundamentals?  Because he openly loves God?  Oh my goodness.  We can’t have that.

I don’t believe that Tebow’s fire will continue to burn this hot for very much longer.  So I’m going to enjoy the heck out of its warmth while I still can, ‘cause pretty soon this season will be over, and it’s darn cold outside.  Shoot, if for nothing else, I hope Tebow beats the Pats so I can watch John Elway eat horse apples once again like Rachel Phelps after a Cleveland Indians victory. 

Go get ‘em, Timmy!

It’s Thursday already.  Man, where did this week go?  This is the kind of stretch I like to refer to as a “post-it.”  It’s the kind of day or week or month in which you suddenly realize that X amount of time has elapsed, and nothing has been removed from your “must do” list.  In fact, the list has grown multiple post-it note appendages and barely legible additions.

Conversations generate ideas; observations generate reminders; sometimes stuff just pops into the head; and pretty soon your work space or kitchen table takes on a stained glass facade of multi-hued papers in varying shapes and sizes.

Such is my office desk at the moment.

For me, show and blog entry notes are my biggest sources of random scratchings.  At present, I have four of them sitting in front of me.  So this evening, I’ve randomly selected this post-it note for my first catch-up entry:

What is less than nothing?

If you’re a stock holder in the Green Bay Packers, you might want to carefully scan your purchase to make sure you’re not in possession of an even more worthless piece of paper than Green Bay Packers stock truly is.  Hey, it’s a cool piece of memorabilia…it is.  My basement displays a piece of framed Packers stock from the first stadium renovation sale.   I’m not cracking on its purchase - with that understanding - it’s a piece of non-saleable, non-appreciable, fundraising stock.  Translation: memorabilia.   

Anyway, this individual, Arvind, ordered his stock, but received a certificate for ownership of one share in a far lesser known company:

Arvind wrote in to Jimmy Traina's Hot Clicks on SI, stating, "I just received my Packers certificate. Instead of saying 'Green Bay Packers, Inc.', it says 'Green BOY Packers, Inc.', all over the certificate. Kind of annoying, kind of hilarious. I wonder if the certificate is worth something now?"

Interesting question.  Like a "bleep" face Billy Ripken card, would a piece of "error" stock actually carry value?  I'm gonna say no.  I'm also gonna say this is a load.  

I’m not a photoshop expert, but I am a pretty solid skeptic.  I mean, it looks good and all, but why would the official team seal read “GREEN BOY PACKERS, INC” but “GREEN BAY, WIS?”  And how could just one certificate be incorrect?  Seems to me this would be a templated design with only select fields able to be manipulated.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Wouldn’t be the first time.  But if I’m right, please call me, Arvind.  I’ve got some head shot touch-ups I’d like to talk to you about.

What is it about break room “community food” that turns otherwise civilized adults into savages?  

Really?  You couldn’t just take the whole doughnut with you? 

Two scenarios exist for why an individual would leave behind such a sight:

1. Dude feels guilty about eating the entire doughnut, so he tears off a corner to satisfy his urge with minimal shame.
2. Dude isn’t sure what he’s getting into with his doughnut of choice, so he samples a corner, which clearly does not do it for him, so he leaves the remainder.

Here’s the thing: no matter which setting applies, no one will go family dog to your table scraps.  Those jagged edged doughnuts are going to sit there all day…likely a day +…and will ultimately be tossed tomorrow morning.  Toss it now or toss it later – it’s going in the trash once you’ve fingered it all up.  So please, people, just take the whole doughnut.

I know what you’re thinking: “Here comes another tennis blog that no one will care about.”  I get it.  Tennis doesn’t exactly get the blood pumping for most warm blooded Americans.  But here’s the interesting part: it appears it doesn’t exactly get the blood pumping for one of its greatest champions either.

In a presser with the folks at the Brisbane International , Serena Williams, a 13-time grand slam singles champ (6^th all-time), admitted she doesn’t really care that much for the sport she has dominated for over a decade.  In fact, she doesn’t much care for sports…or anything physical:

And so it is confirmed…Serena Williams is certain to balloon well past Christina Aguilera (present) and into Kirstie Alley (past) territory once she officially hangs up the racquet. 

What?  She said it.  She said she is excellent at sitting down.  Her words, not mine.

Now back to the serious.

Ray Lewis isn’t the only…oh, sorry…Serena Williams…my mistake.  She does kinda look like Ray, though...

Now back to the serious for real.  Serena Williams isn’t the only athlete to get really, really fat after retirement.  OK, OK, I swear that’s the last one. 

Back to the serious for real for real: I’m surprised at how surprised everyone is about this revelation that really isn’t a revelation.  The slow start to her career, the often poor play between grand slam victories, her injury history…it was no secret that Serena Williams wasn’t/isn’t crazy about the game at which she crazily excels.  For Serena Williams, tennis is her paycheck…tennis is work.

Countless individuals in the working sector of our society, yes, even athletes, aren’t tripping over in love with the endeavors that pay their bills.  That’s why it’s called work and not super happy fun time. 

Athletes want to act, actors want to sing, singers want to design clothing – all of us want to be athletes.

The old saying goes, find something you love to do and you’ll never work a day in your life.  But there’s another saying, as well: if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.

Being good at something brings with it its own rewards – money, acclaim, the sheer high of competition, and the immeasurable euphoria of victory.  Athletes like Serena Williams have been groomed since childhood at their respective craft.  For many, it’s never been about love of the game.  Shoot, they were never given the chance to love the game.

So while some have chosen to crucify Serena Williams for her seeming flippant disregard for her sport, I applaud her honesty and, more than that, stand in awe of an individual who has so greatly embraced the spirit of competition as to become one of the greatest at something she so deeply loathes.