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WEIRDO FLICKS: 'Metalheads: The Good, the Bad, and the Evil'

by Eli Kroes

You might not be familiar with the term 'Z-Movie,' but if you grew up in the 90's, chances are you've seen one. They're the beyond-low-budget monstrosities that teased you from the walls of the mom-and-pop video store. Usually, the films themselves could never live up to the pictures on the videotape boxes (because this was way before your fancy 'Digital Video Discs' and 'Blu-Rays') but occasionally you'd find something truly unique. 'WEIRDO FLICKS' will clue you into some movies which 'unique' doesn't even begin to describe... 

'Metal Heads: The Good, the Bad and the Evil' - 2008, Directed by Bill Zebub

You might think a film directed by a guy calling himself 'Bill Zebub' would be stupid. And you'd definitely, definitely be right. There is certainly no denying that this movie was probably written in a day, and filmed the following afternoon. BUT, it still has some merits. Most notably, the title isn't a lie, like the last few films I reviewed.

Aside from being a 'director' and 'actor,' Mr. Zebub is also a relatively successful heavy metal music journalist. His films, which seem to be more of a promotional tool for his writing persona than anything, are usually horror and metal themed. I guess this one had some 'horror' elements, but it was mostly just silly. I'm guessing the 'horror' ones are just as silly, because they have titles like 'Jesus, the Total Douchebag,' 'Frankenstein the Rapist,' 'Assmonster,' and 'Rap Sucks.'

It follows two metalheads...one of them has a girlfriend. She thinks he's lazy, and he pretty much is. They also have to ride around in his friend's car because he doesn't have one, which constantly irritates the girlfriend. Then she kind of dumps him, and he starts hanging out with a guy who's even MORE metal than himself (probably supposed to be the 'evil' one from the title.) They do metal stuff like beat up on geeks and break things. 

I couldn't figure out which of the two original metalheads was the good, and which was the bad, but my bet is that Bill's character (creatively named Bill) is the 'good,' and his friend is the 'bad,' because his father constantly catches him masturbating, which I guess is bad if you're 30-something like these guys are.

Anyway, Bill decides he doesn't want to be QUITE as metal as the 'evil' metalhead, but he gets hit by a car and dies, so it doesn't matter. Don't worry, that's only giving away one twist. There are many more, and they are all just as silly.

I guess if you like metal and straight-to-video films, you will probably like this. It is genuinely funny in a few parts, and Bill seems like a humorous guy. That's probably why a lot of his dialog consists of standup-esque asides instead of things that pertain to the story. Yep, dumb. 

Luckily, you can buy all of Bill's movies from his website. 

...you're welcome.

VHS photo by Toby Hudson.