Nick's Knacks Nick's Knacks

  • Adios Muchaho!

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    There are few words to describe what befell matador Julio Aparicio over the weekend. Sometimes you just let the picture(s) do the talkin’:

    And now for the video:

    Oops.  Wrong one:

  • Johnny Hates Jazz

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    We all dare to dream, but there’s a reason it’s a dare. Dreaming comes with an inherent risk of overwhelming failure. Dreaming is dangerous, though to dream is to truly live. It’s complicated.

    Adding to the obscurity are the dreams that you never dared to dream until they became reality. Still with me? It’s the smokin’ hot chick who moves into your school district. You didn’t know hotness like that existed until that day. And with hotness redefined, so too was your pursuit.

    For John Maino, that chick was Friday’s planned chopper ride with the LZ-Lambeau folks. Unfortunately, we all know how that came out.

    To memorialize this event in Maino’s life, listener Jeff has penned this poem:

    It's Friday, May 21st an hour before noon;

    John Maino is in his car whistling a happy tune;

    He's on his way to Appleton to fly in a Huey;

    But past history tells us his plan will go kaopluey;

    His life has been adventurous ; not where he ends up in a casket; it's not that tragic;

    It's best illustrated by riding a bike that has a basket and shows his life is lacking a certain magic;

    It's ending up with a career on AM radio;

    And having the ability to lose on an on air casino;

    Some are blessed with enormous intelligence in back of their eyes;

    Others were given the burden of enormous thighs;

    In this world filled with color and light;

    John is destined to live in black and white;

    The explanation of it all with the exception being his wife;

    Tells us John Maino must have been Real Real Bad in a previous life.

    Well done, Jeff.

  • Battle Royale

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    Fencing Duel - Cerweative Commons

    It’s going to be Lee vs. Crystal in the American Idol finale the show had to have. I’m not saying it’s fixed…but I’m not saying it isn’t.

    “Winkie” ;)

    Despite the most deserving and by far the most talented pair making it all the way through, I feel cheated by Casey James. The dude has a lot of talent, but not a whole heck of a lot of competitive fire. Why even show up if, with each round, you’re going to be “just happy to be there?”

  • That Chick in Logistics

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Casey and Crystal left the door ajar…and Lee ran right through it! Then he slammed it shut and engaged the deadbolt. Give him the crown, America. It’s over.

    Now, how do you pick up a marker on camera without looking awkward?

  • It's Statement Time

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    Throw bats in the showers. Shut off the hot water. Take the whirlpool out of the clubhouse. Replace the buffet spread with a loaf of Wonder and some cold cuts. Sacrifice a live chicken. Do shots to Jobu.

    Then cut Trevor Hoffman.

    Forget Ken Macha. Whether you agree or disagree with his managerial style, Ken Macha can’t swing the bat. Ken Macha can’t turn a twin killing. Ken Macha can’t place a fastball. Ken Macha can’t run the bases. Ken Macha can’t close out the game.

    There might be a momentary shake-up with the canning of the manager, and there’s certainly an argument to be made that Macha must go, but ultimately, there’s no trepidation to be generated in booting the staff. The player needs to fear for HIS job.

    Get in there Melvin and do what you know must be done: “You wanna play for the Milwaukee Brewers? Then you’d better perform. None of you is safe.”

    Never has it been more “Trevor Time.”

  • Back To You Guys!

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    On the air mic

    It’s a bit of an apples to oranges comparison – one dude is sideline reporting…one dude is anchoring – but they are equally unfortunate performances. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the next Brian Collins, Mr. Charles Clinton:

    In Charlie’s defense, the whole crew is a disaster – forgetting to turn on his mic, signaling him on-camera, and what the heck is going on in that last clip? Is somebody kicking him under the table? Moving his notes? We’re lucky we didn’t get a Sue Simons moment (YouTube that if you’re not on board with the reference - NSFW).

    The ineptness of his gang doesn’t excuse Charlie’s overall lack of reporting aptitude, but… Well, but nothing I suppose. The guy’s just plain old bad. His “Charles in Charge” segment on WOLV-Overtime isn’t doing him any favors, either:

    And then there’s this:

    I don’t know what’s worse, his dancing or the dude in the Pi Kappa Phi sweatshirt one row down. Hey frat boy, that’s a nice sweatshirt. Does it come in your size?

    The cool part about Charles Clinton is that it’s clear he has no shame. He appears cool with making himself the fool. Self-deprecation is as admirable quality, provided self-deprecation is the intent. I can only hope that Chuck knows he’s not very good, for therein lies a certain genius in what he does.

    Although, judging by MGoBlue324’s comment on the dancing video (“I don’t want to be rude, but God I’m so glad he graduated”), genius may be overstating it a bit.

    And just for juxtaposition (and giggles), here’s Brian:

  • Maino Rides a Bike

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    In an effort to enhance his present level of physical fitness and overall wellbeing, Maino has begun biking to work – too easily inviting my favorite taunt – “Maino rides a bike!” But this isn’t the time for jeers and snarkiness. This is a time for encouragement. This is a time to applaud and to support my friend’s efforts. However, I cannot similarly get behind his pursuit of a motorized bicycle. I mean, look at what happened the last time Maino took to the streets:

    I still don’t know who’s at fault in this one, but as we all know…when Maino’s involved…it’s always someone else’s fault!

  • Big Departure

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    The support beams beneath the American Idol set let loose a sigh of relief last night, as you voted off the Incredible Bulk, Michael Lynch. Finally, we are rid of that dude and his annoying wife. Though nothing was more annoying than the lack of rock from two of rock’s biggest names – Daughtry and Bon Jovi. Well, maybe Casey’s “woo” brother.  He was pretty irritating:

     

  • Awkward

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    Movie Reel

    Movie soundtrack night sucked on American Idol last night…SUCKED! Send ‘em all home. And Casey and Kara just need to go public with their relationship. It’s getting creepy and awkward:

  • Ringer!

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    ESPN’s Erin Andrews and her Ukrainian boy toy…err…dance partner, Maksim Cher-Somethingerother, made it through another round of “Dancing With the Stars” last night. Her lack of clothing and good looks aside, though I think she’s got a little bit of a man face, the chick can actually move. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise. She’s got Darrin’s Dance Grooves in her back pocket!

    And you though Evan Lysacek had an unfair advantage. Pfft.

  • Bring On The Divisions!

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    The Big Ten Conference has misrepresented itself in name since 1990, so I suppose a 14 or 16 team make-up wouldn’t alter the conference’s label. It’d just make it tougher to conceal the number somewhere in between the letters. If we can get Missouri, Nebraska, Rutgers, Notre Dame, and somebody else… take this baby to 16…then I think there’s an opportunity to make the “I” and “G” in Big into a 16. That could work with a little creative fonting. You can do some crazy stuff in that dropdown menu.

    But why stop there? Let’s take this to 20! The Big Ten x2! Eventually we could absorb all but the SEC and Pac-10 and form the ultimate conference…the Big NCAA. Twelve divisions – one champion!

    Back to reality: by all reports, some form of expansion for the 2011 calendar is going to happen. Which school is willing to incur the costs of a conference divorce is pretty much the only obstacle, for there’s no doubt that there’s cash to be made for all involved.

    The “purist” has already voiced his misguided sentiment, whizzing and moaning about the integrity of the conference rivalries, the tradition of the conference champion...conveniently disregarding the fact that the present system is wickedly imperfect – the Big Ten champion determined as much on strength of schedule as play on the field.

    It’s time to get this done.

    No matter what number we ultimately settle on, this is a win for the Big Ten Conference. The only loser? Ironically, that too belongs to the Big Ten Conference – more specifically, the Big Ten Conference champion under the present system – the annual recipient of the ultimate benefit of the doubt…an invite to a BCS bowl game.

  • Old News

    Posted by Nick Vitrano

    Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

    Old Newspapers

    Tiger’s got a bulging what? Oh that…well…we all knew that. How’s his neck, though?